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I was born into a religious family, into a family, though, with many problems. We were one thing on the outside and something else on the inside.

Within the family, there was no peace. My father had turned to religion when he was eighteen but with little effect other than to quit smoking and drinking.

My mother had come from a strongly religious family whose father was quite well-known as a preacher and she had learned how to act in such a way as to receive the admiration of all around her.

My mother had bitterness deep within her heart that she never faced. She hated authority, she hated men, she hated almost everyone and she delighted in the downfall of others so that she might feel good about herself.

She should never have married my father and he her. They were very incompatible, my father sometimes being angry all of a day.

My mother had no chance to introduce me to her body until I was around five. This was because of the people that were around us continually in the early years.

For about three months she was able to introduce me to her body in privacy. Then it was that my father decided to remain at home to do all of his studying.

It was a strong emotional relationship. I was her confidante and sympathizer. I thought that my father was an evil, awful man. I felt that I was closer to my mother than he was.

I would tell my mother what to wear, what to cook for supper, what to say etc. I was always complimenting her on her looks and her person, demeanor, etc.

She wanted this from me she needed it from someone , and in return for this personal attention she would pay attention to my wants not needs. If I wanted a chocolate bar she gave it to me.

If I wanted pizza, she made it for me. She spoiled me and made me first in her life. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.

Thank you for your cooperation. The Mod Team. I have no other memories of him doing anything else to me. I don't really have memories of him at all from that period ish?

I remember my friends and playing at their houses and my teachers but nothing from my house. I wasn't abused or anything either.

I know that my mom worked and he looked after me a couple summers and I do remember driving with my dad and dropping her off at work and crying hysterically, feeling so distraught that my mom was leaving.

I really hated being apart from her. I've been having this feeling for about a year or so and usually I can forget about it but not today. Maybe because last night I had a sexual experience first time anal, unprotected with a stranger I met in a bar.

And I felt too uncomfortable to ask him to stop or slow down even though it hurt and I think he would have stopped. I don't know why I feel so unable to assert myself.

I even want to see him again although I hated the sex and got zero enjoyment. I've had similar experiences with men all strangers and I've never felt pleasure during sex so I don't know why I keep doing this.

I guess I like the attention? There's a million little things that could or could not be clues. Always having a lot of vaginal pain, yeast infections and great pain urinating when I was a kid.

Getting in trouble for french kissing kids at school. Drawing a picture at school of my dad in the shower, with his penis out, and being questioned about it by my mom and teacher.

Then there's my dad's depression, anxiety, alcoholism, marital problems, secret affairs with younger women.

He also refused to have sex with my mom for years. The biggest potential "clue" for me though is the feeling I get around him or even when he emails.

Your dad straightens up a little, awkwardly clearing his throat. You can be honest. Stare daddy down as he answers. Ask them why they're acting so weird Duck out of your robe and grab something else to cover up with.

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I even want to see him again although I hated the sex and got zero enjoyment. I've had similar experiences with men all strangers and I've never felt pleasure during sex so I don't know why I keep doing this.

I guess I like the attention? There's a million little things that could or could not be clues.

Always having a lot of vaginal pain, yeast infections and great pain urinating when I was a kid. Getting in trouble for french kissing kids at school.

Drawing a picture at school of my dad in the shower, with his penis out, and being questioned about it by my mom and teacher. Then there's my dad's depression, anxiety, alcoholism, marital problems, secret affairs with younger women.

He also refused to have sex with my mom for years. The biggest potential "clue" for me though is the feeling I get around him or even when he emails.

My parents are separated and I haven't talked to him for years but I'm totally fine with it. If it were up to me I'd never talk to him again.

I don't have a reason, though. He is much nicer to me than my mother who is very unpredictable and angry and sometimes violent. Yet I'd pick her over him any day.

He makes me so uncomfortable and irritable. I find him repulsive and weak and uncomfortable. I don't like being touched by him.

I don't even like when he emails me nice things or buys me birthday presents. Another reason for this could be the fact that my mother hates him and I've kinda had to choose between my parents so I don't know.

I guess the final thing is my own sexual issues. I've never dated. Always been shy around boys until recently and now I just sometimes go out to bars in the middle of the night and hook up with strangers.

I followed random guys into their apartment once and was drugged and probably raped. I let men do a lot to me even though I don't like it.

I also have huge incest fantasies and love attention from older men and have fallen in love with many a male professor. So what do you think? I'd never actually accuse him of anything or get the law involved no matter what I "remember.

I've been depressed, possibly bipolar for a long time and feel like I'll never experience sex or intimacy in a normal way.

Whether or not it's a sign of additional abuse, we really can't say, only you or he would have knowledge of that, or someone who was there at the time.

I guess my impression is that if your mother mistreated you as well, there wasn't much in the way of emotional nurturing or support in your childhood.

So maybe the attraction to older men, incest fantasies. For a young person, sex is an easy way to get attention and feel connected to someone, even if it's not in a good way or a normal way, as you pointed out.

People who are neglected have an increased need to seek out these things, to please others in order to receive attention, but also haven't had a chance to learn how to do it in a positive way, while preserving their own worth and identity.

Not sure if you've ever thought about your behavior in terms of neglect, but the pieces seem to fit. In cases of neglect, the first step is realizing the impact of it, how it altered your own development from what might have normally occurred.

Then the second step is to learn to compensate so that you are developing good relationships based on your values and qualities, which other people will recognize and admire if you pursue the right things.

Also not sure if you've had any therapy or counseling, but that can help with neglect when you have an advocate and someone on your side.

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